Rainbow Bridge – Page 7 – Beauty's Haven Farm and Equine Rescue Inc.

I spent a good part of yesterday reading, through teary eyes, the very thoughtful and much appreciated emails and posts about Ambrosia – and the artwork is lovely.

First, let me say she is, and always will be, quite the mare – she had a heart of gold. Even though humans let her down tremendously by ignoring even her basic needs and by turning her loose to wander a rural community as a homeless horse – she didn’t hold it against us. This was Barbara comforting Ambrosia the night we met her.

The next day when we picked her up and took her to the rescue she walked off the trailer, looked around, and held her head up high – for the first time we saw light and life in her eyes. She was immediately started on antibiotics. She settled into her stall and went to eating her hay and Fibre-Beet mash – she loved food! She got groomed at least a ½ a dozen times a day and was pampered to the max. The day we loaded her up to go the hospital she loaded without hesitation. Once there, it took her all of about a minute to settle in before she started eating her hay.

After her initial assessment at the hospital, we discussed her diagnosis – pleuropneumonia (infection of the lungs and pleural space). Her care team determined that to get a good indication of whether or not there was a chance for her to recover they would need to drain her chest and see how quickly it would refill. This procedure (drained about 7 gallons of fluid) gave her quite a bit of relief. Her breathing was better – she stayed upbeat. She trusted humans to do to her what was needed – I truly believe she knew we were trying to help her. She cooperated – always. Her temperature was normal and her heart rate went significantly down – she continued to have a good appetite. She was only 13 years old.

Through every step of the way we evaluated her quality of life – it was constant throughout our decision making process. It was identified early on what aftercare would be needed and we were committed. While we knew from the start she likely would never be horse to be ridden we did think she would be happy being a pasture pal. And we agreed, from the beginning, that should her comfort level not be able to be controlled, or should she develop another issue such as laminitis, and her quality of life was poor with no relief in sight, we would help her to cross. We would not let her suffer. One of the key tools in determining her quality of life was by observing her will to live which was enormous. She had a great appetite and didn’t appear depressed. She would hold her head up high and was interested in what was going on around her – she would even whinny to Billy the goat or a passersby.

I spoke with the doctor on Thursday night – he recommended giving her some time to recover from the first surgery before going through the second. Friday morning the doctor called and said overnight Ambrosia’s temperature had risen as did her heart rate but she was quite the Champion – she was still eating and drinking fine. She did have increased swelling in her legs. The doctor decided to ultrasound her heart and said he had some concerns and said that he wanted the cardio team to conduct an ultrasound. While we waited for them we took Ambrosia out to graze for a bit, which she really enjoyed.

We went back to her stall and she became interested in a very handsome horse that was being evaluated.

Once he was left she seemed tired – her breathing had been getting more labored and she began to sweat. I played songs for her on my cell phone – she seemed to really like “Lost in Love” by Air Supply. I guess I did too – we must have listened to it about 4 times. I told her about the many people that loved her and were helping her. I apologized for what humans had, or hadn’t done, for her. And I prayed.

The cardio team arrived and did another ultrasound. The cardiologist determined that Ambrosia had developed congestive heart failure. Her heart had been working overtime to compensate for the decrease of lung function. The right side of her heart was weak. We once again reviewed her quality of life and determined that, while we could prolong her life it was not in her best interest, the time had come to let her go. This is never an easy decision or one taken lightly – but we loved her enough to do what was in her best interest.

Ambrosia had several days of a full tummy and clean fresh water, she had been kept comfortable, she was doted on constantly, light in her eyes had returned, and she was genuinely interested in humans and what was going on around her. She had regained her dignity and was loved by so many and that’s important – she crossed Rainbow Bridge knowing she mattered.

I want to believe that at some point in her life she was loved and properly cared for. We will never know but we were able to prevent her from dying alone, hungry, and in pain. We knew going into this that she could take a turn for the worse at any time and we may have to let her go. God had other plans for her and we accept that. I held on to her and told her she was so very loved and I hummed “Lost in Love” as she crossed the Bridge. I could picture her holding her head up high towards the sky and running, reaching for the stars, as her body grew whole and strong again – what a glorious vision it was! I sat by her and held her and let the tears flow.

Before returning to the rescue I sat for a long time in the car in the parking lot at the hospital. I folded my arms across each other and rested my head on them against the steering wheel – as I did I could smell her. I had washed my hands but not my arms and her scent was still on them – a sense acceptance came over me. Acceptance is needed in order to move on. And I know that Ambrosia wants us to continue to help others that end up homeless, hungry, cold, alone, or in a bad situation – and with your continued help we can.

I’m sorry that Ambrosia was dumped in a rural community and had no human to care for, or about, her. I am sorry that we could not fix her health issues. And I am sorry that we could not keep her comfortably with us for a long, long time. But I’m not sorry, not in the least, that we tried. God bless each and every one of you for caring and helping in some way. Ambrosia had a huge love for life. She would have kept going until her heart burst – she was that kind of horse. She was quite the mare and had the heart of a Champion!

I have learned to fight the good fight to the end
And if I had to I would do it all again
And when the sun goes down
I won’t fear the night
I will keep my head towards the sky
Knowing that the Lord is on my side

And when the darkness falls
I won’t fear the night
I will keep my head toward the sky
Knowing that the Lord is on my side

(From the song Heart of a Champion)

Sincerely,
Theresa
Beauty’s Haven Farm & Equine Rescue, Inc.
A 501(c)(3) Non-Profit Organization
www.bhfer.org

Ambrosia remembered…
http://iacmusic.com/stationGen.aspx?stationID=7428

Artist: Greg Jones

05/22/12

It is with a very, very heavy heart that I post this update. Smarty Pants crossed Rainbow Bridge this afternoon. She had been improving, or so we thought. We knew she could take a turn for the worse at any given time. Infection and damage to internal organs had been a concern since day one. While edema in her front legs today had decreased it became significantly worse elsewhere. Dr. Ryan examined her, gave us his prognosis, and ran more blood work to confirm what he suspected and it wasn’t good. Verbatim from Dr. Ryan. “Her body was shutting down – resulting in poor tissue perfusion (blood supply to the muscles). All of this caused tissue necrosis – basically like gangrene. She may have lasted another day or two but it would have been pure hell. No doubt you made the right decision.”

While she surprised us with a short walk on her own in the sling today (with us humans by her) we didn’t know it would be her last. You can see in her eyes she wasn’t feeling well. We would not allow her to suffer – we promised her this from the start.

This little filly that captured so many hearts would have been one year old tomorrow. It just isn’t fair – I don’t know why things like this happen. I don’t understand it. I could go on and on with my thoughts about this but I won’t – at least not at this time. Today has been hell and mentally and emotionally overwhelming. And I’m not feeling the loss alone. My family, including our volunteers, feel it too – we all loved her terribly. We took turns sitting with her and caring for her – even through the nights. We love you Smarty Pants – you mattered to so many but we loved you enough to let you go. We will always love you. Now you fly with angel wings – until we meet again on the other side of The Bridge – know you are in our hearts, always.

And with tears still fresh we welcomed baby donkey. She was very hungry when she arrived and didn’t hesitate taking a bottle. Lacey has been providing some milk and we have milk replacer – the baby will isn’t picky and will drink either source.

Dr. Ryan had a very hard time getting the catheter into her vein in order to run the plasma.

She is currently sleeping – something she needed badly.

She’s had a tough start in life but like Smarty Pants she arrived with light in her eyes that we pray will shine brighter with each passing day. When Pam went to pick her up she found her standing between two pine trees, shaking – we were having a really bad storm. Her mom was off elsewhere. I wonder what this little one thought? But she is here now and she will have a full tummy all night long and she won’t be alone.

And tomorrow is another day. I don’t know what it has in store for us but there is already a void – Smarty Pants had become a part of all of us. We did everything we could to help her and she knows she was loved. She didn’t die in the sand and sun – alone or afraid. She was surrounded by love. While I will never stop believing in miracles and had prayed hard for one with Smarty – I have to think God had other plans for her and we are not to question that but rather accept it. Yes, she would have been one year old tomorrow – a day that won’t come for her on this earth. Each day we had with her was a gift – a blessing. And when I look up to the sky tonight and see a bright shining star I will think of her – I know she knows she is loved. And even though she runs with the heavenly herd she is still with us. She will always be with us. God bless all of you for caring about this little girl – our little Smarty Pants.

Run with the angels sweet girl – we are so very proud of you and how hard you fought for life. You are, and always be, an inspiration to me and your eyes are etched into my heart forever.

Sincerely,
Theresa
Beauty’s Haven Farm & Equine Rescue, Inc.
A 501(c)(3) Non-Profit Organization
www.bhfer.org

Thoughts of Ambrosia

New Star in the Sky Tonight and Orphan Baby Donkey – 05/22/12